Tel-Chai Nation

Not to mention how anybody views pregnancies out of wedlock. Some history is given here about the adoption system, along with certain "social mores":

When G. talks about the most painful time of her life, her voice breaks and she cries. She is a 57-year-old cancer patient living in Tirat Carmel, northern Israel. When G. was young, she became pregnant by rape and due to hardship, had to give up her baby for adoption. Now, a mother of two and a grandmother with several grandchildren, she wants to meet her firstborn, from whom she was separated decades ago, hopefully in time before the disease catches up with her.

G. grew up in a traditional home in Haifa. In 1982, when she was 16, she became pregnant. When her condition began to show, G.'s father kicked her out, fearing the judgment of others.

Mistake number one. I don't know if the dad was religious, or Haredi, or even a leftist, but what's clear here is that somebody went by a cowardly ideology that believes a potential grandchild born out of wedlock or rape is literally a curse instead of a blessing, and heaps the blame almost entirely upon the victim instead of her attacker, making her situation worse as he did. Whoever that woman's father is, he's as disgusting as the man who violated the poor woman.

G. spent her pregnancy at a shelter in Jerusalem that catered to pregnant women in difficult situations, until giving birth. According to G., workers at the shelter, which closed at the turn of the millennium, pressured her into giving her daughter up for adoption immediately upon birth.

Mistake number two, and she elaborates on this in the following paragraphs:

The baby was born at Jerusalem's Bikur Cholim Hospital.

"For three days I held her and even gave her a name - Ortal. I was young and confused. I'm not sure I fully understood what I was doing when I signed the adoption documents."

When G. returned home, without her daughter, she was pressured to marry.

"It didn't feel right, and two days after the wedding I ran back to my parent's home. After that, I went through many challenges, but at the age of 19 met a good man who supported me, and we had two children."

According to G., over the years she contacted authorities repeatedly, begging to find out about her daughter.

"I left her letters in the adoption file, with photos and updates about my life. I shared with her over the years about my children who were born and my grandchildren. But the authorities claimed that she never contacted them to receive access to her adoption file. I have a hard time believing and accepting that. I've heard of cases when the letters and photos never reached the child.

"I feel, like other mothers in my situation, that they never viewed me as a human, as someone who deserves to find out about her daughter. And now, even in my condition, the state never helped me. Not psychological aid, not rent, nothing. I've always felt that they simply didn't see me."

G's daughter is supposed to be 41 years old now, but she knows nothing about her.

"Perhaps she is a mother herself, and I assume that her adoptive parents gave her a different name. Now that I'm sick, it is very difficult for me. I am begging the authorities to put me in touch with her, to tell her about me, to send her my photos and letters. That I will at least see her once in my life – before it is too late".

"Don't judge me"

G. is just one of the thousands of mothers, who due to various challenges, had to give up their babies for adoption, and have since lived with constant longing, a sense of lack, and maternal curiosity about their children's whereabouts and lives. Biological mothers who feel that the state neglected them physically, financially, and mentally and did not do enough to support them throughout pregnancy and subsequently. They say that had they received the necessary support, they would never have given their children up for adoption.

As per the official policy of the Welfare and Social Affairs Ministry, it is preferable to return the child to the biological parents following rehabilitation rather than give him or her up for adoption. If, however, that is not an option, the authorities will find the child a new home. The policy is designed to offer the child a permanent home and stable environment. Unfortunately, according to official data, only 10% of the children removed from the home return to their biological parents.

Fewer than 100 adoption cases are registered in Israel annually, half the number compared to the 1960s. Adoptions are usually permanent in Israel, also known as "closed adoption." As such, biological parents are not allowed to contact the child, even after he or she becomes 18. According to the law, only the adopted child can reach out to the biological parents. In some cases, the adoptive parents agree to an "open adoption," under which the biological parents can have contact with the child and receive updates on them. These, however, are quite rare.

Well that's mistake number three. What kind of legal system serves to blot out the child from the parent's life, even after they reach 18? That's got to be modified, and how parents regard their daughters has to be mended too. This kind of mindset's been going for far too long in the western world.

Labels: Israel, Jerusalem, misogyny, political corruption, sexual violence